I'm scared to set running goals this year

I have been running goalless (is that a word???) for over a year. Yes, there were some workout/health goals within my pregnancy, but the ultimate goal was to birth a healthy baby as safely as possible. Goal achieved.

This seems like a lifetime ago and not seven months ago.

Recently, I have been feeling let down by my postpartum fitness level, drive and lack of achievement. Mr. Miller and I were setting goals on New Years Eve on a rare night out (Thanks mom and dad!). Basically my end of the conversation went like this:

"I know what I want to achieve but I don't think I can do it."

You see, right before I got pregnant, I aimed to achieve two major running goals. I effectively trained for a sub five hour marathon. It seemed like it was all but certain, and then it wasn't. My PR went from 5:10 to 5:08. Although it was a PR, it certainly was not what I felt my training would serve up. Then, I set my sights on a spring sub-2 half. If I was a betting gal, I would have put some serious cash down on this goal being achieved. My runs were incredible, I thrive while running in the cold, and I was slaying everything from hills to tempos to long runs. Unfortunately, my PR went from 2:06 to 2:05, clearly not the sub-2 I was gunning for.

It was a bust :-(

So, back to the NYE conversation. I told my husband about my goals, how I had wanted them so badly before we decided to expand our family. The saying "having it all" ran through my mind: a family, working from home, running and being happy through it all. I'm just not sure I see that happening, and that's okay. Training for a spring marathon is completely out of the question. I will reevaluate in April to see where I am at. I think I want to run a spring half marathon, but only time will tell if it becomes a goal race. I do not feel like I can handle the pressure of setting time parameters, and that's okay.

I have been realizing more and more that there are times and seasons for everything. Finding value in YOUR time and season is what determines its productiveness. I read this amazing post titled "The Best Part of Life is Realizing It's Better that Things Don't Work Out". Take a look if you have a minute. This post really resonated with me in my current time and season. This excerpt was especially beautiful:

"Everything in your life must have happened in order for you to exist – every single, little thing. You would not be the exact same person if any of your past experiences were different. Even the littlest, most unpleasant things have a way of shaping us into the individuals we were always meant to be.

The greatest moments of clarity in your life will come when you look back at your journey and conclude that it was all necessary and that it’s all beautiful."

Everything that I've done with running before, and will do with running will be necessary and beautiful. Will I aim for a goal race? I'll keep you posted. I think when you're scared to make a goal, you're not sure if it's attainable. I'm not sure about what I think about creating specific goals. After being bummed and discouraged by the lack of meeting them, injuries getting in the way and what not, I'm not sure I'm ready to commit to x, y and z. In years past I was healthy and ready to tackle a new year of new goals. Now, I'm hoping I run three miles sometime this week.

So, here are my "general" goals for 2015:

Run happy.

Find humor whether it's a good day or not.

Take in the small moments.
Consistent core work - it's my least favorite but most needed exercise!

Treat myself with enriching activities.

Eat all the cheese once Henry is done breastfeeding.

Remind myself daily that everything that happens is necessary and beautiful.

This small moment was a great one. Cousins that can finally interact!

How about you? Have you set a big goal this year? Do you have general or specific goals? What race are you most looking forward to this year? TELL ME ABOUT IT!