I think the subtle envies are more lethal. I cringed when I wrote my post Sunday and typed my average was "Only 9:15" for 10 miles. I realized that when I read other people's blogs and they say their average was "a slow 8:xx" etc, I roll my eyes and sigh. However, I'm starting to understand it all a little better these days.
I never tried to be fast. My runner envy would be seeing someone;s splits and say "Wow, I could never do that." Every person who got into running or ran a race for the first time with me always seems to be much better at running than I am! When I saw my weekly mileage totals compared to others who were training for the 2012 NYC Marathon, I would panic thinking "I'm not running enough!" Despite all these things that would subtly affect me mentally, I would continue doing the same stuff because I was comfortable. I liked being comfortable.
Now, I am running uncomfortably. I took my (subtle) desire to be better and actually put it into action. Instead of averaging high 10 minute miles, I've been consistently in the high 8 or low 9 minute miles. What changed? I decided I didn't want to just finish. I actually want to try for a real time. A sub 2 hour half marathon, aka 1:59:59. I've been breathing heavier, pushing harder when I'm tired and would usually ease into a nice slow pace to simply log miles, and running with faster people (AKA frightening). Even though my times are improving significantly (I also attribute this to the cold weather, in which I thrive), I still catch myself seeing other people's times and thinking "If I could only..."
So, how do you deal with Runner Envy? I've decided the month of March that I will not say or think a single negative thought about myself. I will only speak positive uplifting things concerning my running and my body. I will not compare myself to others, which will be incredibly difficult. The NYC Half Marathon is the weekend before my half marathon, and presumably I'll be reading up on all the fabulous recaps and PR's for sure! However, I will avoid that little voice putting fear in my head for my upcoming turn to complete my goal. I think a lot of it is being confident that I am doing what I need to do to complete the goal I have set for myself, taking no one else's successes or failures as my predictors.
How about you? Do you struggle with comparing yourself to others? Do you enjoy a healthy dose of competition? Are you scared to chase a goal? TELL ME ABOUT IT!
17 days until the 13.1 NYC Sub 2 or Bust Bonanza!
18 days until traveling to P.R. with a PR!